What Havent You Seen?
by Polalis
Summary: It will make you laugh. It will make you cry. It will make you wish a man in a penguin suit was licking your toes. FF8, What Havent You Seen? My twisted humor showing you what I think happened in the making of this game.
1. Actionde!

The Director dude man sir of Final Fantasy VIII sat on his cool cushiony chair.  
  
"Lights!" "Camera!" "Actionde!!!"  
  
"Dude...Actionde isnt a word!!!" Zell yelled from off set to the director.  
  
"Im trying to speak Spanish!!! Actionde means Action in Spanish!!" the director complained in a whiney voice.  
  
"No its not, you doofus." Squall said, scratching his butt. "It has no meaning at all."  
  
"Can it, hemmorhoid boy." The director snapped.  
  
"What did you say?!" Squall snarled.  
  
"Oh, bite me." The director said in desperation, turning around to go back to sit in his cool cushiony chair.  
  
After Mr. Director man said that, Squall lunged at him and sunk his teeth into his shoulder.  
  
"Why did you do that?!" the director exclaimed, whacking Squall with a rubber chicken. Where he got the chicken from, we'll never know.  
  
"You told me to!!" Squall cried, tears filling his eyes.  
  
"Its an insult, numb nuts." the director said in frustration. Squall just looked at him.  
  
"You...You MEANIE!!!!!!" Squall exclaimed, running off the set crying.  
  
"Dammit! JIM!!! Go get Squall back here so we can shoot the first scene!!!" The director called to the man next to him, who was wearing a pink ballerina tutu and carrying a stuffed penguin.  
  
"Okie Dokie, Lover!!!" Jim called, blowing a kiss to the director as he chased after Squall.  
  
Everyone stood there and blinked...  
  
And blinked...  
  
And what the hell? Blinked some more!!!  
  
Imagine that....  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scene One, Take 27  
  
*Rinoa is standing in the flower field, flowers blowing gently around her in the breeze*  
  
"AUGH!!! What the *&!@#)(&^?" Rinoa shouted, clutching at her eye.  
  
"CUT!!!!" the director called out, then stood up and ran towards Rinoa.  
  
"What the heck is wrong? You were in the middle of a scene!!!" the director hollered. Rinoa continued clutching at her eye.  
  
"One of those stupid flowers got in my freakin' eye!!!" she explained. The director blinked at her, then pushed her into the grass and went back to his cool cushiony chair.  
  
....*sigh* "Scene One, Take 28"....  
  
*They actually get passed the Rinoa scene (Thank Bob) and they get to the scene with Squall and Seifer fighting*  
  
"RAHWR!!! Eat steel!!!" Seifer shouted, fighting Squall for all he's worth (which...actually isnt much ^^;;;;;)  
  
"Die villian!!!" Squall growled, sswiping at Seifer's mid section  
  
"NEVER!" Seifer challenged, dodging Squalls blow and almost knocking him down.  
  
"I will beat your hiney!!!" Squall said, running out of moderately mean things to say.  
  
"Oh yeah?! Well Ill..." *Seifer casts Fire Spell*  
  
"Hey!!! You cheated!!! Im telling on you to my mommy!!!" Squall shouted then burst into tears, sitting down in the middle of the set and bawling.  
  
"Grr...I cant work with these people....CUT!!!" the director shouted.  
  
"Jim...go comfort him and get him to stand up again and fight!!!" the director ordered. Jim smiled at him.  
  
"Scene One...Take 437..."  
  
*They actually get passed the fighting scene!!! Wo0t!! Now, Squall gives Seifer a scar in a blur of black feathers. Squall turns around to meet Rinoa, who is about to embrace him...*  
  
Rinoa ran in slow motion to Squalls arms...yet her aim must of been off, as she ran right past Squall, and into the other awaiting arms of Seifer, standing behind Squall!!  
  
"Seifer!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!" Rinoa cried, glomping Seifer to the ground.  
  
Seifer stood up and carried Rinoa over to Squall.  
  
"Well Squally boy...looks like I got the babe, and youve got nthing but black feathers!!! MUHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!" Seifer taunted. The director looked at them all in disbelief.  
  
"CUUUUUUUT!!!!! Jesus!! Rinoa, youre suppsoed to run to Squall not Seifer!!! Besides, Seifer, you shouldnt even be on set anymore!" the director scolded.  
  
"B...but...Seifer is so much hotter then Squall is!!!" Rinoa said, hoping it would be enough of an explanation.  
  
The director walked off, muttering bad, naughty, dark things that I cant repeat because they wouldnt fit this rating.  
  
Jim walked to the set to take over after the director.  
  
"Okay guys!!! We'll break until tomorrow and will try again then! Now get a good nights sleepy-by time and dream of happy little bunnies!! And dont forget to say your prayers, brush your teeth and masturbate before you sleep!!! NIIIIIIIGHT!!!!" Jim called, skipping merrily off the set to his own trailer.  
  
Everyone watched him go...blinking. 


	2. Attack of The Jim Clones

Note: School gives me less and less time to write, especially since Ive got five million revuiew tests at te beginning of the year, and I have to buy all the schools supplies and stuff...and its very annoying...so I can only really update on weekends, when Im not doing EVIl homework x.x -------------------------------  
  
The actors, especially Jim, were much refreshed after there night of showetring and...*coughs* anyway, they get through a few scenes of the beginning, and get to the Fire Cavern Scene.  
  
"...Ready and...ACTION!" the director called.  
  
"Ready, Squall?" Quistis called to Squall, pointing to the crater.  
  
"Ready!" he called back, running to the lava pit where Ifrit would appear from.  
  
When they arrived, Ifrit wasnt there.  
  
"Any day now..." Quistis said, impatiently tapping her foot.  
  
"HELLO!?!?!" Squall yelled into the crater, and Ifrit emerged speedily, wearing duckie pajamas and holding a cup of coffee  
  
"Dammit! I was on coffee break, you little turd!" Ifrit yelled, picking up Squall by his jacket. Squall began to cry.  
  
"Mommy!!! WAAAAAH!!!" he bawled. Ifrit looked at him.  
  
"One who is as wussy as you does not deserve to have me as his GF...but because the script says so, lets just pretend you summoned Shiva and that you are actually strong, and now Im your GF." Ifrit said to make Squall shut up.  
  
"...Re...Really?" Squall asked.  
  
"No, sucker!" Ifrit yelled, dropping Squall into the lava pit over which Ifrit floated.  
  
"CUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!" the director yelled.  
  
"Jim! Go save Squall before he burns to death!!!" The director commanded.  
  
"Alwighty!" Jim tittered, then dived into the lava and dragged Squall out, who was miracuosly not burned at all.  
  
The director glared at Ifrit.  
  
"Ifrit! Your supposed to be ready! Jim told you to go off coffee break 10 minutes before the scene! And Squall! You cant be such a wussy! Geez, I can see why Rinoa likes Seifer better!" The director bellowed, causing Squall to cry again. Ifrit just rolled his eyes.  
  
"Fie....Fire Cavern...take 450..." ------------------  
  
Finally, they get through the Fire Cavern after 502 takes, and get to Dollet where Selphie is added to the party.  
  
*Selphie is standing on the rocks, ready to fall down like a little ditz. She falls like she is supposed to, but continues to roll of the other cliff and straight into the metal door at the entrance to the radio tower*  
  
"AUUUUUUGH!!!" Selphie screamed as she tumbled off the second cliff, slamming smack into the hard iron door. Zell and Squall quickly jumped off the cliff to assist to her.  
  
However, when Zell finally got her face pried off the door, he discovered she now looked like...JIM!!!  
  
Zell and Squall both screamed like girls while running off screen to there trailers.  
  
The director leapt out of his chair and dashed to where Selphie was sitting.  
  
"Selphie! WHat happened?!" The director demanded. SHe giggled, then gave the director a big, fat, wet kiss on the lips.  
  
"Im not Selphie, Im really Jim!!!" Jim said.  
  
"Then where is Selphie?" The director asked.  
  
~Elsewhere~  
  
Selphie was bound down to a bed, her hands handuffed to the rails, while Dr. Kadowaki danced on top of her in a Hamtaro suit.  
  
The director ran into the trailer, and glared at Dr. Kadowaki.  
  
"Dr. Kadowaki! Behave this instant or I...will sic Jim on you!!!" the director yelled, causing Dr. Kadowaki to scream in fear and run away. The director immediately got to work untying Selphie.  
  
When he was finished, it turns out Selphie wasnt Selphie...she was JIM!!!  
  
"WHERE ARE ALL OF THESE JIM'S COMING FROOOOM?!??!!?!?" The director screamed, grabbing his head and running away. At that moment, the real Selphie emerged from her bedroom, followed by five Jim clones.  
  
"I wonder what his problem is?" she asked herself, then giggled and ran out the door and straight into Squall.  
  
"Squall!"  
  
"Selphie!"  
  
They both exclaimed. Then an awkward silence claimed them.  
  
"Squall...I...IVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU!!!!" Selphie said, clinging to Squall.  
  
"Really?" he asked.  
  
"Yes!!!" she answered, hugging him tighter.  
  
"Gosh...Thats too bad...Because...Im gay!" he exclaimed, bursting into tears.  
  
Selphie gaped at him. "With who?" she asked.  
  
Squall had no need to answer her question, as all 7 of the Jim clones and the real Jim himself came running over.  
  
"Squall, my honey-poo!" Jim exclaimed, hugging Squall and licking him erotically.  
  
Selphie screamed and ran away.  
  
All of the Jim clones blinked in unison. 


	3. The Naked Dance

YEah...Its been a while, neh? Ive had school...and junk...and friend issues...and a buncha other issues...But eh...HEre is an update.  
  
----------------------------  
  
Okay, we FINALLY made it passed the Dollet scene and they are all SeeD's and all that other good shiznit. Now we are at the ball scene. Muhahahha...  
  
*Squall looks up and sees Rinoa in her skimpy little dress. She goes to hold up her finger and "accidently" holds up her middle finger. Squalls runs towards her, pulling his gunblade out from nowhere (which he does alot) and aims to cut off her head*  
  
"RAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" Squall roared, running at RInoa with his gunblade ready to strike.  
  
"WAAAAAH!!!!" Rinoa cried, the little wussy that she is.  
  
"CUUUUT!! SQUALL!!! CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!" the director yelled as loud as he could, then, threw one of the many Jim clones in front of Rinoa.  
  
Squall stopped immediately.  
  
"Dammit! Can't you two just get along for at least a little while?!" the director growled dangerously. Both Squall and Rinoa began to cry.  
  
"Waaaaaah!!! Your mean!" Rinoa whinged.  
  
"Meanie meanie meanie!" Squall chorused.  
  
The director put his hands over his ears and walked over to the two of them and kicked them on to the stage.  
  
"TAKE 723!!!!!!!!" ``````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
  
AFter getting through the dancing scene, which took two weeks to do and 5 Rinoa replacements, we actually got to the scene with Rinoa's rebbeling Forest Owls on the train.  
  
*Squall, Selphie, and Zell crawl on top of the train, checking for guards. All of a sudden, one of the windows opens up to show one of the guards in the red armor doing the naughty naughty with none other then Quistis!*  
  
"AUUUUUGH!!!!!!" Squall cried, covering his eyes. "THEY BURN! THEY BUUUUUUUURN!!!!!!!!!" he shouted, running around on the roof of the train, and then falling off, getting squashed by the train.  
  
"NOOOOOO SQUAAAAAAAALL!!!!!" Selphie screamed, looking back to see if she could see Squall's body.  
  
Zell was using the rope Squall was supposed to use to go down and change the code to dangle in front of the winodw and watch Quistis and the red guard.  
  
"Oooo...Poooooorn..." he drooled.  
  
ALl of a sudden, QUistis noticed him and shrieked, throwing the guard off her and grabbing her whip off the train seat and opening the window and whipping Zell until he fell of the train.  
  
"GRAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!" he shouted as he tumbled down hill. Selphie cheered,l as did Jim.  
  
The director looked on, shaking his head in disbelief while muttering expletives. Then he picked up the phone.  
  
"I need to order one Squall and one Zell replacement...and ah...one Quistis replacement as well..." he murmured into the phone, picking up a gun and aiming it Quistis and firing. "Noise? What noise? A gun noise? Mustve been your imagination."  
  
Selphie was dancing naked on top of the train with Jim and Rinoa. The director glared and picked up his gun again, shooting down RInoa and Selphie.  
  
"Uh...I also need a Selphie replacement and a Rinoa as well."  
  
Jim continued to dance naked on the train with all of his clones. 


	4. The UnFunny Chapter Made Out of Boredom

Bwahahahaahaha...I am in the writing mood. Check out my sequel to Personality Check...the aptly named Personality Check TWO! This involves the characters of FF9 this time...and when it is done I may make one for the characters of FF7 an later on FF10...and maybe even one for either Chrono Trigger or Kingdom Hearts if you are all good puppies.  
  
I like cheese ^__________^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As soon as the replacements came in, Mr. Director man was happy to get shooting again.  
  
"ACTION!"  
  
*They finished the train scene, thank Og, and have made it to Deling CIty, where they are about to hear Edea make her speech.*  
  
"Hey, Squall! Isnt that Rinoa up there?" Irvine asked, pointing. Squall looked up.  
  
*The Iguions come off the wall and lunge up to where Edea was. They start to attack Rinoa.*  
  
"Dude, there attacking Rinoa! We gotta save her, man!" Irvine said urgently, nudging Squall with his elbows. They could hear Rinoa screaming.  
  
"...Nah." Squall said, picking his nose.  
  
"WHADDYA MEAN, 'NAH'?!!" Irvine yelled, whipping out his gun.  
  
"Die, biatch, die!" Squall yelled to the roof.  
  
The director looked on in horror.  
  
"Jim! GO up there and save Rinoa because that dink wont!" the director ordered. Jim curtsied and skipped inside the building.  
  
Irvien walked over to the director.  
  
"I...I just can't work under these conditions with that...that MEANIE!!" Irvine blubbered and burst into tears. Squall looked at hima dn burst into tears as well.  
  
The director kicked both of them.  
  
"Take 432..."  
  
-------------------------  
  
*They get passed that finally, and now they are all in prison (awww...how sad) and the guards are beating up Zell (yay!) He is now twitching on the floor and foaming at the mouth.*  
  
"Uh...I think you kicked him too hard." Quistis said, poking Zell's body. He stiffened up and made bird noises.  
  
The guard studied him hard. "Nah." he said while leaving.  
  
Selphie and Quistis blinked as he left.  
  
Then, out of nowhere, Zell was better again.  
  
Then, a Moomba walked in. Or, at least it looked like a Moomba....  
  
"JIM?!!?" they all shouted in unison.  
  
Indeed, it was Jim, dressed up in an adorable as hell moomba costume.  
  
"I like cheese ^____________^ " Jim said, kicking Zell until he foamed and made bird noises again.  
  
Then everyone died.  
  
The director was overjoyed. Then he realized this update was not funny.  
  
Oh well.  
  
Im tired. The next one will actually be funny.  
  
Please excuse my nachos. 


End file.
